Respect, Boundaries, and Consent

Prevention at Home Video Education Series

YWCA Spokane staff have joined together to create a unique online engagement opportunity focused on cultivating increased community education and awareness surrounding issues related to intimate partner domestic violence. The eleven-part video series presents engaging, educational content for individuals from any background or current knowledge base. The videos and blog posts also offer watchers an opportunity to get to know YWCA Spokane advocates on a personal level; each contributor brings their own personality into their writing and presentation style. Each topic within the series has its own blog post, like this one, including a video. All of the other topics in the series are linked below. As you watch these videos and read the blog posts, we hope that you will gain more knowledge, explore topics that you may not have been exposed to, and empower yourself and those around to be in healthier, happier relationships. Thank you for taking the time to further your education, awareness, and understanding surrounding these critical issues. 

Respect, Boundaries, and Consent

Hi, my name is Kaylee. I am the lead prevention specialist at YWCA Spokane. Working in prevention we focus primarily on youth and young adults in our community providing education about domestic violence in the hopes of preventing domestic violence in the future. Today, I would like to talk with you about respect, boundaries and consent. 

It’s important to first recognize that everyone has a different meaning of love and what that looks like. Although, I think we can all agree that in a healthy relationship respect is one of the biggest factors. So what is respect? Respect is defined as a positive feeling or action shown towards someone or something considered important, or held in high esteem or regard. It conveys a sense of admiration for good or valuable qualities. So, what does respect look like in a healthy relationship? Here are some examples from loveisrespect.org.

• Talking openly and honestly with each other, especially the hard things you may be going through.
• Truly listening to each other and valuing each other’s feelings and needs. We’re all different and we all have different values and needs so identifying those together.
• Compromising, but always within reason so you aren’t going against your own morals and values.
• Speaking kindly to and about each other, not saying things intentionally that you know will hurt their feelings.
• Giving each other space when needed or asked, supporting and encouraging each other’s interests, hobbies, careers, etc.
• And building each other up and honoring each other’s boundaries, no matter what.

Respect, like a lot of things, is something we learned from our examples. It’s Important to be open to new things and understand there isn’t just one right way to show someone you respect them. 

So with that being said, you might ask, what is a boundary? I like to think of boundaries as an invisible line or bubble people that shouldn’t cross. Things you are comfortable doing and things you aren’t, things you enjoy and things you don’t. Whether that’s a personal bubble in the sense of personal space or a bubble around your feelings. Way too often our boundaries get crossed, sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally by friends, family and partners. Setting boundaries in any relationship is very important, being able to communicate what you want and what you’re comfortable with sets the tone of your relationship. Here are some tips on how to get started setting boundaries in a healthy relationship from breakthecycle.org. Communicate your thoughts with one another. Never assume or guess your partner’s feelings. Always ask, this should not be something that is uncomfortable if the communication is open, honest and welcomed. Follow through on what you say because it shows your accountability and what you expect and deserve in return. In a healthy relationship, boundaries are discussed and respected and nothing is forced or pushed upon you.

A lot of times when people hear boundaries they also associate that with consent. Consent is defined by google as ‘permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.’ Now consent isn’t just about sex, there should be consent when it comes to holding hands, giving someone a hug or taking someone’s picture. Consent comes into play in all relationships, not just intimate partner relationships. One of my favorite acronyms to explain consent comes from Planned Parenthood. They use the acronym ‘FRIES’; Freely given, meaning in a free and clear mindset. Reversible, meaning someone can change their mind at any point it does not matter. Informed, to be able to fully understand what is happening. Enthusiastic, meaning a big fat YES! Specific, meaning the big fat YES was in regards to something specific you asked about. 

Written content and video for this topic within the Prevention at Home series provided by YWCA Spokane staff member, Kaylee Jackson.

Continue Learning with Prevention at Home!

Explore more topics on your journey empowering yourself and those around you by visiting the following blog posts and watching the other videos in our prevention at home series.

1. Services at YWCA Spokane
2. What is Intimate Partner Domestic Violence
3. Red Flags and the Relationship Spectrum
4. Respect, Boundaries, and Consent
5. Teen Domestic Violence
6. Why Do They Stay or Go Back
7. Trauma and the Brain
8. Safety Planning
9. Self Care
10. Self Regulation
11. How to Help a Friend

External Resources for Continuing Education

YWCA Spokane staff members have collected the following external links for you to further your education.

• Equality vs. Equity
• Consent Tea
• Empathy vs. Sympathy-Brene Brown
• Self Care TedTalks
• Talk with your Kids: Consent and Healthy Relationships 
• Violence Against Women, It’s a Men’s Issue-Jackson Katz
• We are the Lions-Skip Marley

YWCA SPOKANE IS HERE FOR YOU

If you or someone you know is impacted by intimate partner domestic violence, know that confidential advocates are always available through our 24hr helpline services by calling 509-326-2255, emailing help@ywcaspokane.org, or texting 509-220-3725. 

To learn more about accessing additional services through YWCA Spokane during the COVID-19 pandemic, please visit ywcaspokane.org/services. Thank you!