위험 신호와 관계 스펙트럼
재택 예방 비디오 교육 시리즈
YWCA Spokane 직원은 친밀한 파트너 가정 폭력과 관련된 문제를 둘러싼 지역 사회 교육 및 인식을 높이는 데 초점을 맞춘 독특한 온라인 참여 기회를 만들기 위해 함께 모였습니다. 11부작 비디오 시리즈는 다양한 배경이나 현재 지식 기반을 갖춘 개인을 위한 흥미롭고 교육적인 콘텐츠를 제공합니다. 비디오와 블로그 게시물은 시청자에게 YWCA 스포케인 지지자들을 개인적으로 알 수 있는 기회도 제공합니다. 각 기여자는 자신의 개성을 글쓰기 및 프레젠테이션 스타일에 적용합니다. 시리즈 내의 각 주제에는 비디오를 포함하여 이와 같은 자체 블로그 게시물이 있습니다. 시리즈의 다른 모든 주제는 아래에 링크되어 있습니다. 이 비디오를 시청하고 블로그 게시물을 읽으면서 더 많은 지식을 얻고, 노출되지 않았을 수 있는 주제를 탐색하고, 자신과 주변 사람들이 더 건강하고 행복한 관계를 맺을 수 있도록 힘을 실어주기를 바랍니다. 시간을 내어 이러한 중요한 문제에 대한 교육, 인식 및 이해를 심화시켜 주셔서 감사합니다.
위험 신호와 관계 스펙트럼
Hi! I’m Brit, an Advocate and Associate Therapist at the YWCA Spokane Alternatives to Domestic Violence Program. I thought that since we’re all cooped up in our houses, it’s a great time to talk about one of my favorite subjects: relationships! Specifically, healthy ones, of course. 
Relationships, just like many things, exist on a spectrum. One of my favorite tools to use to talk about the relationship spectrum is a stoplight. I made my own as an example. You can watch the vlog I made where I go through each section, and/or keep reading! I like to start with the bad and end with the good, so we’ll be going bottom-up. These are just some examples out of many possibilities, and with relationships being so deeply personal, there are bound to be some things I didn’t include or that you might say differently.
I would definitely encourage you to make your own if you’d like. You can color-code it however you wish, and use whatever terms feel right to you. This is an especially great activity for kids and teens, and can be modified however you see fit. This is also a great tool for talking about all sorts of relationships, not just romantic ones!
Red Light: Signs of an Abusive Relationship
I especially like the idea of “red light” for abusive behaviors because it lines up nicely with the concept of “red flags” that many people already understand. Some examples I came up with of things that indicate an abusive relationship:
- The person insists on controlling who you talk to, where you go, how you dress or wear your hair, your social media account, your reproductive health, or other things that are important to you. Making decisions about things together is fairly normal in a relationship, but it is not normal to constantly feel like you do not have any say in important aspects of your life.
- The person is violent towards you, whether that means they cause you physical harm directly, threaten violence against you/your children/your pets, or cause physical harm to property.
- If the person intentionally sabotages you or hurts your feelings.
- If you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells or cannot do anything right.
- If they use things against you that you told them in confidence.
- If any improvement in these aspects of the relationship are only ever temporary. Abusive relationships are typically cyclical in nature–whether that cycle restarts every hour, twice a year, or anywhere in-between.
Yellow Light- Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
Now to the yellow light zone. These are signs that a relationship might not be as healthy as it can be. In my experience, abusive signs are much more concrete–but once we get into unhealthy vs healthy, things can get a lot more personal. This was probably the section I had to spend the most time thinking about! Here’s a few examples I came up with:
- All or nothing communication. This could also be called inconsistent communication, or just communication that doesn’t meet your needs. Some people need to talk to their partners more constantly, some need more space. If you can’t find a balance that works, it can make the relationship hard to navigate.
- Someone who pushes your boundaries instead of respecting them. Just because someone isn’t obviously bulldozing through your boundaries, that doesn’t mean that they respect them. This can look like your boundaries regularly being questioned or not being taken seriously.
- Codependency can create unhealthy relationship dynamics. Our needs can fluctuate over time, and sometimes we do have to depend on our partners. Codependency happens when that need for each other goes into overdrive, and those boundaries we talked about earlier are getting blurry.
- If you struggle to find things in common, such as interests, conversation topics, etc.
- If your goals, values and/or love languages don’t coordinate. We don’t need to be the exact same as our partners, but some core things about us do usually need to cooperate with core things about them. (More about love languages later!)
- Typically, unhealthy aspects can be improved upon or changed in a meaningful way. This can be done by working on our current relationships, or realizing that this may just not be the right relationship for us. Sometimes we just aren’t compatible with someone, and that’s ok! It is totally possible to end a relationship in a way that is healthy and kind, and sometimes that’s better than dragging on a relationship that isn’t healthy.
Green Light: Signs of a Healthy Relationship
We’ve made it to green! After all the don’ts, how about some do’s? While a healthy relationship might look different for each person, there are some patterns I’ve noticed in my own life as well as in my professional experience.
- Steady communication is key! Being intentional about our communication, making sure everyone is getting what they need, and checking in with our people regularly is so important.
- Respecting each other’s boundaries is a huge way to show someone you love them.
- Everyone is going to have their own desired level of independence in a relationship. I personally like having a lot of independence, but it may look different for you! I think the most important thing is to remember that a relationship is individual people coming together because they want to. Maintaining independence can look like having your own friends, interests, hobbies, or whatever you need to stay grounded in who you are.
- Being supportive of one another’s goals, feelings, and needs.
- Knowing each other’s love languages, aka how you feel loved or show your love to others. Your love languages certainly don’t need to be the exact same, but being mindful of them can go a long way. You can find more information here.
- Your life is generally better because that person is in it.
- Relationships will never be perfect, and we will never be perfect. What matters most is that we’re doing the best we can and are willing to learn and be flexible to a healthy degree.
What would be in your relationship spectrum? Is there anything you would add to or change about the stoplight?
I would highly encourage you to make your own! I talk about relationships all the time and still found this to be a great exercise for myself. Everyone will have their own experience of relationships, and there is always room to grow in self-awareness and healthy habits. Whether we’re talking about dating, friendships, family, professional, or otherwise, healthy relationships are possible and incredibly important.
Written content and video for this topic within the Prevention at Home series provided by YWCA Spokane staff member, Brit Wilson.
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